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Diagnosis…

I feel sick.
It must be wrong.
I feel numb.

What happens next?
My eyes are starting to hurt, but I WILL NOT cry.
Not because I’m strong,
Because I might not stop.

I cannot say the words “I have cancer” out loud.
If I say the words, it will be real.

“I have cancer” is all I hear in my head.
All day.
All night.
It’s the last thing I remember when I go to sleep.
It’s the first thing I hear when I wake up.

I haven’t eaten properly for days.
I cannot swallow.
I am close to tears.

I want to arrange my funeral.
We have 3 funeral directors in the village – fancy that!
No butcher, no grocer.
I’m spoilt for choice.

All the adverts on TV are about ‘IT’.
He squeezes my hand.

Hang in there.